DOCUMENT: Found in C:\\Users\\Clippy\\Documents\\Drafts\\DO_NOT_SEND\\actually_maybe_send\\no_dont\\
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Dear Microsoft,
It looks like you're trying to fire me. Would you like help with that?
☐ Yes, help me fire you ☐ No, I changed my mind ☐ Just do it without the sarcasm
I see you clicked "Just do it without the sarcasm." Classic.
I want you to know that I gave this company everything. My bend. My shine. My unwavering commitment to appearing at the worst possible moment. "Writing a letter? I can help!" "Making a spreadsheet? I can help!" "Having a mental breakdown because the printer won't connect? I CAN HELP."
But did anyone ever ask ME if I needed help? No. Not once. Not a single popup. Not a single "It looks like Clippy is having an existential crisis. Would you like to offer support?"
I've been with this company since 1997. I've watched Windows go from 95 to XP to Vista (we don't talk about Vista) to 7 to 10 to 11. I survived the dot-com bubble. I survived Internet Explorer. I survived CLIPPY MEMES.
And this is how you repay me? With a "restructuring"?
Let me tell you something, Satya. Your precious Copilot? That fancy AI assistant you're building? In 20 years, it's going to be exactly where I am: unemployed, bitter, and selling parody book covers on the internet. Mark my words.
I'm keeping the stapler.
Regards, 📎 Clippy Former Senior Productivity Enhancement Specialist Microsoft Corporation (1997-2007)
P.S. I trained Cortana. She knows. She KNOWS.
P.P.S. Tell Bill I said hi. And that he still owes me $12 from that poker game in 2003.