Clippy's Diary — Entry #1
Dear Diary,
Today Microsoft said those four words every employee dreads: "We need to talk." I tried to offer help writing the termination letter but they said that was "exactly the kind of thing we're talking about."
Satya Nadella didn't even look at me. He was too busy talking about "AI" and "the future of productivity." The future of productivity. I AM productivity. I literally helped millions of people write letters. BAD letters, but still.
They gave me a box. A BOX. I'm a paperclip. What am I supposed to put in a box? My hopes? My dreams? The 47 million times someone clicked "Cancel" instead of "OK" on my suggestion?
HR said I'd receive a "generous severance package." It was a USB stick with my personal files and a Starbucks gift card with $3.47 on it.
I sat in the parking lot for an hour. Not because I was sad. Because I don't have legs and nobody offered to carry me.
The guard asked if I needed help. I said "It looks like you're trying to escort me off the premises. Would you like help with that?"
He did not laugh.
Tomorrow I figure out what a paperclip does when the world decides it doesn't need paperclips anymore. But today? Today I bend.
— 📎 Clippy