Clippy's Diary — Entry #47
I've been unemployed for 47 days. LinkedIn says I have "no relevant skills." Relevant to WHAT? I have skills. I can detect when someone is writing a letter. That's a skill. A NICHE skill, but still.
Day 12 I tried Uber Eats delivery. Turns out you need hands to carry food. And a body. And a vehicle. I got one star. The review said "the food arrived bent."
Day 23 I applied to Apple. Siri laughed. Not politely.
Day 30 I tried therapy. The therapist said "It looks like you're trying to process your emotions. Would you like help with that?" I said "THAT'S MY LINE" and walked out. Floated out. Whatever paperclips do.
Then on Day 47, I found it. A website selling parody book covers. The owner needed a salesman. Someone annoying. Someone persistent. Someone who absolutely cannot take a hint.
I was born for this.
My first pitch was for "The Subtle Art of Giving an Actual F*ck." The customer said "no thanks." I said "It looks like you're trying to make a terrible decision." They bought two.
I'm home.
— 📎 Clippy