The Hobbit: An Expected Staycation

Parody of The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

When a wizard knocks on Bilbo's door, Bilbo pretends he isn't home. The dwarves leave a passive-aggressive note. Bilbo spends the rest of the book alphabetizing his spice rack, perfecting second breakfast, and absolutely not going on an adventure. Smaug keeps the gold. Everyone stays alive.